For some crazy reason, I decided to go on this 10-day green smoothie cleanse with some girlfriends. Those of you who know me well know that I am the anti-natural-anything. I believe in drugs. There was no question of me not having an epidural (and for the record, childbirth was NOT intended to be painful – that only came after the distribution of bruised heels and stepped-on heads as detailed in Genesis 3. Don’t believe me? Which part of pain would have belonged in perfect Eden? But I digress…). Anyway, suffice it to say, I do not do natural.
So I signed up with much fear and trepidation. The ONLY reason I went ahead with it is that the instructions said that you could eat nuts and crunchy vegetables when you got hungry.
We are on day 8, and I have decided I do not want to drink anymore. Nor do I want any more nuts, celery, apples or carrots. I would like to consume something that requires use of a folk, and that will take longer than five minutes to eat. I am not saying that I need Chick-Fil-A (although I’m sure their stock has decreased in the week that I’ve been on this cleanse). I am quite willing to eat brown rice, quinoa, tofu, salad – I just want to EAT!!!!
Mind you – I’m not hungry. The smoothies, although they contain kale and spinach, are quite yummy and filling. I’m sure I’m much detoxed.
Please just let me eat.
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